Episode 44: The Lair of Myxapex the Menace Report

General Summary

The officers prepared themselves for a confrontation with a dragon lieutenant of the Talon of Tiamat. Beyond the door, Lance discerned the dragon and his minions making preparations. Lance and Nia turned invisible, El brought Wicked Mind, Illeana renewed her Armor of Agathys, Spark enhanced himself heroically, and Tiik protected Spark from evil. Ready for battle, Spark rushed through the door on his broom into a dragon magma lugee—it hurt, but Spark's layers of protection took the edge off. Flying straight to the dragon, a magma roper emerged from the caldera's lava pool. Its tentacles reached out for Spark, but Tiik's protection thwarted it.

Approaching the dragon, Spark began a monologue, "I was prepared for your puny assault, you lowly troupe... troubadours...? lunapalooza... what do I call you?" Raising the comet staff, Spark declared, "You're about to call us the Oh Fucks!" The beatdown commenced, but Spark, amidst the action, called out threats in the room: "Salamanders, dracony-things, mage guys, more draconians, corner lady, scary upside-down lava squid."

Myxapex interrupted the callout with a painful bite and claw to Spark. Illeana and her elemental attacked the salamander and the draconian nearest the door. One of the mages imprisoned Spark in a bubble of force. Lance, with a rare non-counterspell "No," disintegrated the force bubble. He also twin-beamed to evaporate the roper, which Lance finished off with a mote from his crown of stars. A mage laid down a wall of ice, hurting some combatants unprotected against it.

Despite the chaos, the Talon's magic was causing more damage to their own troops than to the Dread Baron's. Nia utilized the new ice wall as an anvil for her eldritch blasts, taking down a salamander and a pincer-attacking draconian. El, on Wicked Mind, entered the fray, using the Blade of Wonder to smite Myxapex. The dragon retaliated with a mighty wing flap, knocking Wicked Mind out of the sky.

Undeterred, El used Lola Carly's invested magic to teleport onto Myxapex's back. More draconians poured in, and Nia and Lance had stayed back to deny the dragon a straight shot at them. The battle raged, and Spark, flying back, unleashed a barrage of plasma from the Xenobuster. With precise aim and a stroke of luck, Myxapex fell dead, narrowly missing El, who foresaw the dragon's demise.

The officers cleaned up the small army that served as the dragon's guard. However, tragedy struck as corner lady, seeking revenge, targeted Spark. Despite her attempt to turn a strange talisman against him, Spark avoided her wrath by staying aloft. When she turned the talisman on Elenwe, the ground opened up and swallowed her whole, erasing her from existence.

Nia immediately retaliated, mind lancing the lady into oblivion, while Spark finished her off. Attempting to grab the talisman, Spark found it malevolent and flung it into the menacing lava pool. Wicked Mind, previously caught in the crosshairs of much magic, lay beheaded by a dragonborn wielding a horrible axe. The crew, unwilling to endure more losses, accelerated their eradication.

Nia sent bolts everywhere, Lance shut down the last mage, and the dragonborn with the axe was cornered by Illeana and Spark. The room was cleared, the hoard won, but the damage was substantial. Surveying the dragon's spoils, their eyes fell on a bright sword, a Holy Avenger named "Last Words of the Fallen Champion," with the words "Duty, Sacrifice, and Honor" inscribed upon it. Golden words in ancient script appeared above the blade. "I have been trapped in the lair of this wyrm for many centuries. My magic can bring back the pure soul of the fallen paladin. Place the diamonds where the valiant was taken, thrust me into the ground, and I will give my existence for the beauteous maiden!"

Spark began to speak, "Well, actually, El was..." Nia quickly covered his mouth. Lance exclaimed, "HELL YEAH! Gonna get El back!" Elenwe returned as a pure paladin, severing her warlock bond to Ashaya. Although Wicked Mind still lay beheaded, the Blackjack Traveling Troupe had secured a new kobold brewery and base. The Talon of Tiamat's counterattack, however, was sure to be swift.