Iestor - Theo's Fractured Mind

When it first happened, it might have scared Theo to lose control of his own body, but he thought at the time it was no different than any other ability one of their other enemies had thrown at him.
 
Iestor’s power was overwhelming, mind-boggling in a literal sense. It might not have been the first power used against him to alter his thoughts, but it was the strangest by far.
 
Lust, want, desire.
 
Those were weaknesses and vices others suffered from, however Theo had been quite indifferent to them.
 
Sure, he’d had crushes, had felt lonely at times. Then, he’d even finally experienced love and care strong enough to drive him to want the kind of intimacy he never saw himself chasing after.
 
Phineas was different. Theo had fallen for his mind, his ideas, his strong sense of conviction. Theo had found him attractive from the start, of course, but he only started to truly think of wanting to close in and touch after he’d fallen head over heels for her.
 
Iestor was different. It was an illogical, cold kind of desire. Theo knew next to nothing about the man and didn’t trust anything he said or did. He was affiliated with their worst enemies for Solis sake! But even so, Theo felt the strongest desire he's ever felt towards him.
 
But it was fine. It was just a temporary effect Iestor had cursed him with, quick to fade.
 
Or so he thought.
 
That very night, when Theo woke up in a cold sweat with Iestor’s name on his lips and unbridled, raw want in his heart, that was when fear truly set in.
 
This kind of power over him was his worst nightmare. It was overpowering, it was drowning his thoughts, it was too much—
 
NO.
 
“This isn’t real. He’s just powerful. It will go away soon. I just need to hold on.” Theo whispered to himself as he took deep breaths, not even daring to trace his eyes away from his his hands and towards the dark windows. After a long moment, he closed his eyes, letting the world go dark.
 
This infuriating man plagued his thoughts for hours until he managed to doze off. His stupid and handsome lips were all he thought of the next day, his dark alluring eyes flashed at the corner of his vision every time he looked away.
 
Theo’s thoughts and control over himself were his oldest defense, his best-honed weapon. And the more he felt it slip away, the more he tried to convince himself it wasn’t happening.
 
A Historical Museum in a new empire was no longer interesting. Phineas’ hand in his was no longer exciting. The unfamiliar, beautiful coast line of Nan’qland was no longer a wonder to behold.
 
Iestor.
 
A Thierry noble, a traitor, a flirt and a hedonist.
 
He could not be further from the type of people Theo found desirable. He was the very opposite, in fact. With every waking moment, Theo could feel his heart and mind be poisoned by his intoxicating scent and his playful smile.
 
But Theo had a mission to assist on, he had backup to provide. He had to focus, so he forced him out of his thoughts.
 
And before he knew it, he was running towards the target of his illogical obsession, even though he’d done so well to stay away before now. Theo watched the terrifying powers of Queens and the mystifying secrets of nobles and at the end of the night, that flash of Iestor as he passed him by in the middle of a fight-or-flight moment was the last thought on his mind as he finally collapsed, exhausted.
 
Sleep was only a temporary reprieve. The morning came soon enough and almost brought tears to Theo’s eyes when his first thought was of Iestor again.
 
Terror gripped him for a long moment. Was he losing himself? Was this deep-seated desire a slow-acting poison that would take and take until he was completely gone?
 
Theo ached for the other man. Any mention of him put his nerves on edge, heightened his senses as if Theo was anticipating Iestor's next strike.
 
Theo almost got whiplash from the sudden wave of disdain and envy he felt bubble up inside him when he spoke to Professor Le Combe. The man was obviously just another victim of the hedonistic excuse of a man, yet Theo could barely grit his teeth and keep things civil between them lest he lose access to the professor’s extensive research and resources.
 
Finally, he retreated to what his mind did best - studying. He spent hours bent over book filled with Teis texts, muddling his mind enough that Iestor became an almost distant thought.
 
By the end of the third day Theo was so exhausted, he was sure all he needed was a good night’s sleep and he’d be finally free.
 
Haru’s medicinal tonic was drank, a half-finished game of Oshi with Priscilla was played and Theo fell asleep for the first time in days without thoughts of the accursed man.
 
Darkness. The edge of a long cliff. Waves in the distance.
 
A figure falling, just in front of Theo. A delicate hand reaching out.
 
Theo’s seen this dream before. Any night his mind doesn’t travel to memories of soil-filled lands and love-filled eyes of a blond Alsian woman, he dreams of this.
 
It always ends the same. Theo reaches out, but he can’t quite grasp it, too slow. He waits for the voice to whisper to him the same, familiar warning.
 
Tonight the voice is different. It’s mellow and seductive. There is a Fermen tilt to it.
 
Right behind him, breath warm to his ears, Iestor whispers something different.
 
“Look at you, you’re not worthy of her. Your mind is already poison. Give up already and surrender yourself to me, you know who you belong to now”.
 
Theo’s eyes snap open and Iestor’s voice sounds clear as the bells he’s been hanging every night.
 
He stares ahead, frozen in the warm, morning light. He knows deep down what he’s been ignoring for days.
 
He’s breaking. This is it.
 
His mind and his thoughts had been the only thing he could ever call his own. That knowledge had been his never-ending resolve that had delivered him from a miserable end many times before.
 
It couldn’t now.
 
He couldn’t do this anymore.
 
He doesn’t remember what he tells Priscilla. He walks off before he can break down crying.
 
He goes to the only place he can think to. He goes to Iestor.
 
But approaching him would be too much, he’d surely break; as much as he wants to, he can’t do that either. So he watches instead. He fumes and he watches and he tries to bury himself in the familiar motions of surveillance, to distance himself from the man in his sights.
 
It’s impossible.
 
Theo breaks out of his stupor when the sun gets high enough and he remembers Nunez is expecting him. He can’t seem to remember why he worried so much over meeting her, but he just wants to get it over with now.
 
Ηe grits his teeth and he goes, turning his back to the man still strolling about without a care in the world, like he hasn’t been dragging Theo into the abyss step by step for days now.
 
Theo doesn’t care anymore. He talks back to Nunez, he threatens her, he sneers. He wants to see hate in her eyes; he wants her to threaten him back. He deserves it.
 
But she doesn’t. He fumes more.
 
Theo’s head is drowning and he needs it to stop.
 
He wants Iestor. He hates Iestor.
 
Theo hates himself too, for being so weak that he let this man take over so easily.
 
He can’t bear to think about Phineas. He refuses to mix him up with the venomous, dark tendrils surrounding him.
 
So he lifts Priscilla’s tampered bottle of wine before he can think to second-guess it, grabbing a large portion in a portable flask.
 
There is a plan forming in his head; there always is, even with all the noise. Theo might be burning alive with want and hate and misery, but he can't show it.
 
His face is gloomy yet blank. He catches it in the makeup mirror as he passes by and almost stops dead on his feet.
 
Theo can clearly remember the last time he looked like that - fourteen years old and all alone in the world for the first time, sorrow drowning all thought and sense - it feels almost as bad now as it did then.
 
Theo can’t remember how he pulled himself out of those murky waters then, he just can’t think anymore.
 
Now, Priscilla is in front of him, speaking. He can barely follow her words, annoyed and frayed at the seams.
 
He wants to snap at her, to walk away. He waits for the opportunity, but it just never comes. She tells him to step outside with her for a breather, to go to the ship away from all this for a little bit.
 
Theo knows it won’t help him now. It amazes him that Priscilla manages to talk him into it; he supposes he’s always been soft on her. Even now, he lets her convince him, just to humor her.
 
It makes no difference. He knows what he needs to do to stop all this noise in his head.
 
It’s the only thing he can do to rid himself of the poison.